Bond vs. Bauer 04.09.2007

There was a question at a site I came across earlier today about who would win in a match between James Bond (007) and Jack Bauer (24).

Bond. By a long shot. And especially with Casino Royale. Bond in Casino Royale is like Jack Bauer on steroids who also happens to have a supreme tailor.

I thought about it for a little bit, and came up with a list of reasons Bond is greater than Bauer.

  1. Bond saves the world constantly. Bauer fights to survive 24 hours constantly.

  2. Bauer loses his wife, and gets estranged from his daughter. Bond would sleep with Bauer’s wife and get intimate with his daughter.

  3. Bauer makes saving a presidential candidate look hard. Bond makes saving the world look easy.

  4. Bauer cries and whines constantly. Bond laughs in the face of evil whilst his balls are getting mercilessly crushed.

  5. Bond still has four extra pairs of balls. Of steel. Bauer finds his are still in the grasp of Nina Myers.

  6. Bond has Q. Bauer has Milo. Milo.