Satan++ 05.21.2007

Here’s an excuse you don’t hear every day1:

GALVESTON, Texas — A woman blames the devil and not her husband for severely burning their infant daughter after the 2-month-old was put in a microwave, a Houston television station reported.

The devil’s been pretty busy of late, what with the illegal immigrants overrunning our borders, and the legal immigrants shooting up our campuses.

Eva Marie Mauldin said Satan compelled her 19-year-old husband, Joshua Royce Mauldin, to microwave their daughter May 10 because the devil disapproved of Joshua’s efforts to become a preacher.

Sure, if by Satan you mean stress. And by I stress I mean crazy. And by crazy I mean, well, crazy.

Eva Marie Mauldin, the girl’s 20-year-old mother, told the television station that her husband is “not the monster people are making him out to be.”

Sure, he’s been possessed by the devil, but if there’s one thing we learned from horror movies, it’s that exorcism is always a possibility. Sure, you might throw up on a couple people, and induce several more to suicide, but in the end, it’s always peachy.

Eva Mauldin has set up a MySpace page, “Joshua Mauldin is not a Monster,” in hopes of defending her husband and making pleas for people to help her.

Here’s a great idea: let’s try and appeal to people who have some authority and have some measure of influence in trial proceedings. I know! MySpace is the perfect vehicle to convince the public and judge or jury that I am not loopy and defending my husband who has been infected with primordial evil—oh wait.


  1. Unless you’re Republican and live in Utah, or resemble a crazy insane psychopa—I mean Pat Buchanan.