Mistified 05.25.2007

Here’s something I don’t get: Sierra Mist.

Sierra Mist Why do people drink this?

We have a bunch at the office, and for the life of me, I don’t understand the allure of this vaguely sweetened sugar water. It’s like you take a can of Sprite, let it sit out open in the sun for a couple days, and then dilute it with two parts water and one part half-assed barely carbonated water.

And then you bottle it up, and call it “light and refreshing”.

It’s even worse than Sprite Zero, and let me tell you, that’s a feat.

Being worse than Sprite Zero is like being compared to the Toyota Echo. When someone says “Dude, your car is nice and all, but I’ve had more engaging drives in a Toyota Echo”, you know you’re in trouble.

You know the feeling where you pour lemonade into a cup and you drink it, and then you forget to wash it and put it back into the cupboard, and a week later you use the same cup without realizing the bits and traces of calcified lemon-stuff inside, and you pour in some nice cold water and you drink it and then you spit it out and go “What the fuck?!?” before knowing with dawning horror that the curiously bad lemon taste was from the remains of a processed fruit that will most likely give you horrible, deadly mouth cancer decades down the road?

Yeah.

That’s what happens when I drink Sierra Mist.